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17 mei Sex Newfie StyleA Newfie visited a brothel in Toronto and decided to approach a prostitute. He asked her, "How much do you charge for the hour? "$100,"she replied. "Do you do Newfie style?"
Not knowing exactly what this was she refused.He tried to sweeten the deal and said, "I'll pay you $300 to do it Newfie style". Again she declined. Being the persistent type, he laid down the final offer, "I'll give you $500 to go Newfie style with me! What do you say?" Finally she agrees thinking, "Well I've been in the game for over 10 years now. I've been there and done that, and had every kind of request from weirdo's from all over the world. How bad could Newfie style be?" After several intense hours of every possible way and position,she turned to him and said, "That was fantastic, but I was expecting something perverted and disgusting. Where does the 'Newfie style' come in?" The Newfie opened a beer and replied, "I'll pay you next week when I gets me EI."
LMAO!! Teacher Asks ChildrenThe teacher asks, "Michael, If
you were on a date,
having dinner with a nice young lady, how would you
tell her that you have to go to the rest room?" "Just a minute, I have to go pee", he said. The teacher replied,"That would be rude and impolite. What about you? Paul, how would you say it? "I am sorry, but I really need to go to the bathroom, I'll be right back "The teacher responded,"That's better, but it's still not very mannerly to say the word 'bathroom' at the table." "And you Johnny, are you able to use your intelligence for once and show us your good manners." I would say: "Darling, may I please be excused for a moment, I have to shake hands with a very dear friend of mine, whom I hope you'll get to meet after dinner."
............................The teacher fainted. LMAO!! How to Live Life......HOW TO LIVE LIFE.....
Be Calm... Quiet... Tranquil....?
Stay close to your?Family....
Explore the world around you....
Enjoy the relaxing rhythm of waves...
W A T C H T H E M O O N R I S E....
Spread your wings and take off on your own...
Then enjoy the comfort of coming home again...
Life is short.?
Please...? While you can... Take time to enjoy all the little pleasures that God has provided for you.... If you need some hints.... Go back and read this again!
11 mei Is It True??? Cute ThoGarage DoorHIS ZIPPER WAS DOWN AND HIS FLY WAS WIDE OPEN.
HIS SECRETARY WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID "BOSS THIS MORNING WHEN YOULEFT YOUR HOUSE, DID YOU CLOSE YOUR GARAGE DOOR?"THIS WAS NOT A PHRASE THAT HER BOSS
UNDERSTOOD, SO HE WENT INTO HIS
OFFICE LOOKING A BIT PUZZLED WHEN HE WAS ABOUT DONE WITH HIS PAPERWORK HE SUDDENLY NOTICED THAT HIS ZIPPER WAS NOT ZIPPED UP. HE ZIPPED UP AND REMEMBERING WHAT HIS SECRETARY HAD TOLD HIM, FINALLY UNDERSTOOD WHAT SHE MEANT. THEN HE INTENTIONALLY WENT OUT TO ASK FOR A CUP OF COFFEE FROM HIS SECRETARY. WHEN HE REACHED HER DESK, HE SAID "WHEN YOU SAW THE GARAGE DOOR OPEN THIS MORNING, DID YOU SEE MY BIG JAGUAR PARKED IN THERE?" THE SECRETARY SMILED FOR A MOMENT AND SAID " "NO BOSS DID NOT,ALL I SAW WAS A MINI VAN WITH 2 FLAT TIRES!!
LMAO!! 
BlondeA blind man walks into a bar, makes his way to a bar stool and orders a drink. After sitting there for a while, he yells to the bartender,
"Hey, You wanna hear a blonde joke?" The bar immediately falls absolutely quiet. In a very deep, husky voice, The woman next to him says, "Before you tell that joke, sir,I think it is Only fair that you should know five things: Number One. The bartender is a blonde girl with a baseball bat. Number Two. The bouncer is a blonde girl. Number Three. I'm a six-foot-tall, 175 lb. Blonde woman with a black belt in karate. Number Four. The woman sitting next to me is blonde and a professional weightlifter. Number Five. The lady to your right is blonde and a professional wrestler. She concludes by smugly asking, "Now think about it seriously, mister. Do you still wanna tell that joke?" The blind man thinks for a second, shakes his head and mutters, "Nah,not if I'm gonna have to explain it five times."
LMAO!!
Printer Out Of OrderA co-worker got a pen stuck inside our printer. He started to try and remove the pen, but I told him we don't have time for that now, just put a note on the printer telling folks not to use it and then report it to the Help Desk. So he grabbed a piece of paper and scrawled on it. I left before he finished the note.
SINGING IN CHURCHA minister decided to do something a little
different one Sunday morning. He said "Today, in church, I am going to say a single word and you are going to help me preach. Whatever single word I say, I want you to sing whatever hymn that comes to your mind". The pastor shouted out "CROSS". Immediately the congregation started singing in unison, "THE OLD RUGGED CROSS". The pastor hollered out "GRACE". The congregation began to sing "AMAZING GRACE, how sweet the sound". The pastor said "POWER". The congregation sang "THERE IS POWER IN THE BLOOD". The Pastor said "SEX". The congregation fell into total silence. Everyone was in shock. They all nervously began to look around at each other afraid to say anything. Then all of a sudden, way from in the back of the church. A little old 87 year old grandmother stood up and began to sing "PRECIOUS MEMORIES". Gotta Love Little Old Ladies .
LMAO!! Laugh often ... It burns calories. 04 mei Tiger Woods in NewfoundlandOn a golf tour in Newfoundland, Tiger Woods drives his new Ford Fusion
into a petrol station in a remote part of the countryside. The pump attendant, obviously knows nothing about golf, greets him in a typical Newfoundlander manner completely unaware of who the golfing pro is. Top of the mornin' to yer, sir" says the attendant. Tiger nods a quick "hello" and bends forward to pick up the nozzle. As he does so, two tees fall out of his shirt pocket onto the ground. "What are dose?" Asks the attendant. "They're called tees" replies Tiger. "Well, what on god's earth are dey for?" inquires the attendant. "They're for resting my balls on when I'm driving", says Tiger. "Fookin Jaysus", says the Newfoundlander, "Ford tinks of everyting!"
LMAO!! THINGS THAT HALLMARK CARDS DON'T SAY1.My tire was thumping.
I thought it was flat When I looked at the tire... I noticed your cat. Sorry! 2.Heard your wife left you,
How upset you must be. But don't fret about it... She moved in with me. 3.Looking back over the years
that we've been together, I can't help but wonder... "What the hell was I thinking?" 4.Congratulations on your wedding day! Too bad no one likes your husband. 5.How could two people as beautiful as you
Have such an ugly baby? 6.I 've always wanted to have someone to hold, someone to love. After having met you . I've changed my mind.
LMAO!!! |
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