Profiel van Terrie"Wildcatterrie & Family ...Foto'sWeblogLijstenMeer  |  Extra Help |
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25 september Jim and EdnaJim and Edna were both patients in a mental hospital.
One day while they were walking past the hospital swimming pool, Jim suddenly jumped into the deep end. He sank to the bottom of the pool and stayed there. Edna promptly jumped in to save him. She swam to the bottom and pulled Jim out. When the director of Nursing became aware of Edna's heroic act, she considered her to be mentally stable. When she went to tell Edna the news she said, "Edna, I have good news and bad news. The good news is you're being discharged; since you were able to rationally respond to a crisis by jumping in and saving the life of another patient! I have concluded that your act displays sound mindedness. The bad news is that Jim, the patient you saved, hung himself in his bathroom with the belt to his robe right after you saved him. I am sorry, but he's dead." Edna replied, "He didn't hang himself, I put him there to dry. How soon can I go home?"
LMAO!! 19 september Got to love those newfiesA Newfoundlander and an American are seated next to each
other on a flight from Los Angeles to New York . The American asks if he would like to play
a fun-game. The Newfie , tired, just wants to take a nap, so he politely declines and rolls over to the window to catch a few winks.The American persists and explains that the game is easy and a lot of fun.
He says, "I ask you a question, and if you don't know the answer, you pay me $5, and vice versa." Again, the Newfoundlander declines and tries to get some sleep. The American, now worked up, says, "Okay, if you don't know the answer, you pay me
$5, and if I don't know the answer, I'll pay you $500." This gets the newfie's attention and, figuring there will be no end to this torment, agrees to the game. The American asks the first question, "What's the distance from the earth to the moon?" The Newfie doesn't say a word, reaches into his wallet, pulls out a $5 bill and hands it to the American. "Okay," says the American, "Your turn." So the Newfie asks, "What goes up a hill with three legs and comes down with four legs?" The American thinks about it. No answer. Puzzled, he takes out his laptop computer and searches all his references. No answer! He taps into the air-phone with his modem and searches the Internet and
the Library of Congress.No answer. Frustrated, he sends
e-mails to all his friends and co-workers.Checks the
input. All to no avail!Finally, a long time later, he wakes the Newfie and hands him $500.
The Newfie thanks him and turns back to get his sleep. The American, more than a little miffed, stirs the Newfie and asks,Well, what's the answer?"Without a word, the Newfie reaches into his wallet, hands the American $5,
and goes back to sleep!
LMAO!! Turner BrownA skinny little white guy goes into an elevator, looks up and sees this HUGE black guy standing next to him. The big guy sees the little guy staring at him looks down and says,
"7 feet tall, 350 pounds, 20 inch private, 3 Pound left testicle, 3 pound right testicle, Turner Brown." The white man faints and falls to the floor. The big guy kneels down and brings him to, shaking him. The big guy says, "What's wrong with you?" In a weak voice the little guy says, "What EXACTLY did you say to me?" The big dude says, "I saw your curious look and figured I'd just give you the answers to the questions everyone always asks me. I'm 7 feet tall, I weigh 350 pounds, I have a 20 inch private, my left testicle weighs 3 pounds, my right testicle weighs 3 pounds, and my name is Turner Brown." The small guy says, "Turner Brown?!... I thought you said, "Turn around"!
LMAO!! Your Name In RussianThis is pretty cool... click the link below to try it out.
Ignore all the crazy Russian on the site,
just type your name in the text box and
click to see what your name looks like in Russian...
very impressive!
Men's Answer To Maxine
Men strike back! ! ! ! ! ! !
04 september Bar jokeA businessman enters a tavern, sits down at the bar, and orders a double martini on the rocks. After he finishes the drink, he peeks inside his shirt pocket, then orders the bartender to prepare another double martini. After he finishes that it, he again peeks inside his shirt pocket and orders the bartender to bring another double martini. The bartender says, "Look, buddy, I'll bring ya' martinis all night long - but you gotta tell me why you look inside your shirt pocket before you order a refill." The customer replies, "I'm peeking at a photo of my wife. When she starts to look good, I know it's time to go home."
LOL!! 3 D*^$less GuysThere were once three guys with no dicks. They all went to the doctor's. The first guy says, "Doctor, doctor, you've got to help me!" "What's the problem?" asks the doctor.
"I have no dick!" So the doctor gives him a metal dick and tells him to come back in a week. The next guy comes in and says, "Doctor, doctor, you've got to help me!" "What's wrong?" the doctor asks. "I have no dick!" The doctor gives him a wooden dick and tells him to come back in a week. The last guy comes in and has the same problem. The doctor gives him an electrical dick, and also tells him to come back in a week. A week later,the first guy with the metal dick goes to the doctor and says, "Doctor, doctor, I hate you, I hate you!" "Why?" asks the doctor. "Well, everytime I have sex with my girlfriend, she starts to shiver!" He walks out. The next guy with the wooden dick comes in and says, "Doctor! I hate you!" "Why?" the doctor asks. "Everytime I have sex with my girlfriend, she gets splinters up there!" He walks out. The last guy with the electrical dick walks in and says, "Doctor, doctor! I love you, I love you!" "Why?" "Everytime I have sex with my girlfriend, her boobs light up!"
LMAO!! How about 3 wishesA huge muscular man walks into a bar and orders a beer. The bartender hands him the beer and says, "You know, I'm not gay but I want to compliment you on your physique, it really is phenomenal! I have a question though, why is your head so small?"
The big guy nods slowly. He's obviously fielded this question many times. "One day," he begins, "I was hunting when I got lost in the woods. I heard someone crying for help and finally realized that it was coming from a frog sitting next to a stream." So I picked up the frog and it said, "Kiss me. Kiss me and I will turn into a genie and grant you 3 wishes." So I looked around to make sure I was alone and gave the frog a kiss. POOF! The frog turned into a beautiful, voluptuous, naked woman. She said, "You now have 3 wishes." I looked down at my scrawny 115 pound body and said, "I want a body like Arnold Schwarzenneger." She nodded, whispered a spell, and POOF! there I was, so huge that I ripped out of my clothes and was standing there naked! She then asked, "What will be your second wish?" I looked hungrily at her beautiful body and replied, "I want to make sensuous love with you here by this stream." She nodded, laid down, and beckoned to me. "We then made love for hours!" Later, as we lay there next to each other, sweating from our glorious lovemaking, she whispered into my ear, "You know, you do have one more wish. What will it be?" I looked at her and replied, "How about a little head?"
LMAO!!! 01 september Free S** With Fill-UpA gas station in Halifax was trying to increase it's sales. So the owner put up a sign saying "Free Sex With Fill-Up." Soon a Newfie pulls in, fills his tank, and then asks for his free sex. The gas attendent tells him pick to a number from 1 to 10 if he guesses correctly, he will get his free sex. The Newfie says, "8, b'y" The gas attendent says, "You were close, sir, but the number was 7. Sorry, no sex this time." a fill up. Again he asks for his free sex and again the gas attendent gives him the same story and asks him to guess the correct number. The Newfie says, "4, b'y" The gas attendent says, "Sorry,it was 3. You were close, but no free sex this time." "I think that game is rigged and he doesn't really give away free sex." The buddy replies,"No, b'y, it ain't rigged. My wife won twice last week."
LMAO!! Kidz are so cute!!
THIS IS TOO SWEET FOR WORDS!!!
LOL!!2 cute Man's guide to PMSHormone Hostage
The Hormone Hostage knows that there are days in the month when all a man
has to do is open his mouth and he takes his very life into his own hands!
This is a handy guide that should be as common as a driver's license in the wallet of every husband, boyfriend,
or significant other!!
DANGEROUS: What's for dinner? SAFER: Can I help you with dinner? SAFEST: Where would you like to go for dinner? ULTRA SAFE: Here, have some chocolate. DANGEROUS: Are you wearing that? SAFER: Gee, you look good in brown. SAFEST: WOW! Look at you! ULTRA SAFE: Here, have some chocolate. DANGEROUS: What are you so worked up about? SAFER: What did I do wrong? SAFEST: Here's fifty dollars. ULTRA SAFE: Here, have some chocolate. DANGEROUS: Should you be eating that? SAFER: You know, there are a lot of apples left. SAFEST: Can I get you a glass of wine with that? ULTRA SAFE: Here, have some chocolate. DANGEROUS: What did you do all day? SAFER: I hope you didn't overdo it today. SAFEST: I've always loved you in that robe! ULTRA SAFE: Here, have some more chocolate. 13 Things PMS Stands For: 1. Pass My Shotgun 2. Psychotic Mood Shift 3. Perpetual Munching Spree 4. Puffy Mid-Section 5. People Make me Sick 6. Provide Me with Sweets 7. Pardon My Sobbing 8. Pimples May Surface 9. Pass My Sweatpants 10. Pissy Mood Syndrome 11. Plainly; Men Suck 12. Pack My Stuff...... ..And my favorite one... 13. Potential Murder Suspect Pass this on to your girlfriends who might need a good laugh! Or to men who need a warning! And remember: Money talks...chocolate sings. Another giggle... My husband, unhappy with my mood swings, bought me a mood ring to monitor my moods. When I'm in a good mood, it turns green. When I'm in a bad mood, it leaves a big red mark on his forehead. Maybe next time he'll buy diamonds. Here... have some chocolate! LOL!! Social SecurityAfter retiring, I went to the Social Security office to apply for
Social & nsp Security benefits. The woman behind the counter
asked me for my driver's license to verify my age.
I reached for my wallet and realized I had left my wallet at home. I told the woman that I was sorry. I guess
I would have to go home and come back later.
The woman said, "Unbutton your shirt." So I opened my shirt revealing my curly white hair. She said, "That white hair on your chest is proof enough for me that you are age eligible," and she processed my
Social Security benefits application.
When I got home, I excitedly told my wife about my experience at the Social Security
office. She said, "You should have dropped your pants...you would have got disability benefits too.
LMAO!! |
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